Help Control The Population Of Politicians
A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Please Spay And Neuter Your Local Politicians
Written by Casper Leitch
Every year, thousands of politicians roam freely throughout our nation. Unsupervised. Unrestricted. And worst of all, un-neutered. Experts warn that when left unchecked, a single politician can multiply into dozens of candidates within a matter of months.
One city council member becomes two county commissioners. Two county commissioners become three state legislators. Three state legislators become six congressional candidates. Before long, entire communities become overrun with campaign signs, attack ads, and people asking if they can count on your vote. Unfortunately, the breeding cycle of politicians is relentless. A mature candidate can produce up to seventeen campaign promises per hour. Many of these promises are abandoned in the wild, where they become a nuisance to local residents.
Mailboxes become congested. Televisions become infected with political commercials. And countless innocent citizens are exposed to phrases like:
"Let me be perfectly clear."
"Read My Lips, NO NEW TAXES".
"Gas prices will go down if I am elected".
"If you put me in office, you will keep more money in your pocket".
But there is hope. The solution is simple.
Spay and neuter your local politicians.
A quick and humane procedure known as:
TERM LIMITS!
Term limits help prevent legislative overcrowding. They reduce uncontrolled growth of campaign committees. They help eliminate invasive populations of professional office seekers. And they dramatically decrease the number of television advertisements featuring ominous music and grainy footage of somebody eating a sandwich in a suspicious manner.
Studies show that once properly neutered by term limits, many politicians go on to enjoy productive and fulfilling lives. Some discover fishing. Others take up gardening. A few are successfully rehabilitated and released into the private sector, where they can wander peacefully without introducing bills or forming exploratory committees.
Just imagine the possibilities: Cleaner elections. Less campaign mail. Fewer robocalls. And a much lower risk of accidentally learning what a subcommittee on committee committees actually does.
So remember, If you see a politician running for the same office for the seventh, eighth, or seventeenth consecutive time, don't panic. Help is available. Contact your local democratic process and ask about term limits today. Because a politician who cannot reproduce politically forever is eventually forced to find a hobby. And that benefits everyone.
This message has been brought to you by the National Association of Citizens Who Are Exhausted. This is Casper Leach asking you to Spay and Neuter your local politicians and to PLEASE - always Vote. Because no ecosystem can survive an uncontrolled infestation of campaign commercials.
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